this is not about a dog.

lol.here's an entry i wrote on my phone months ago (summer) when i wanted to release some stress. I’ve been browsing on my phone's memo then i saw this..

I contemplated with myself whether should i put this or just delete it.( i dnt know if the person I've talked about here is worthy of having a space here in my blog.lol.).. but i realized that i've learned something here, and maybe in the future, it'll help me when i encountered a situation like this again. I read from a book that we should record/write some life lessons we learned so that we can review and remember them. The reason we must relearn lessons is that we forget them and remembering them would spare us from a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache.

Please don't laugh. I’m talking to myself here.

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Here I go again. I hate myself when I'm being like this.. Hating people. It's bad to hate people right? But I can't help myself feeling hatred with someone..im not the only one who hates someone ne? Rarrr..

Why did I begin thinking about this again? It made me think of other issues im trying to forget

Just a while ago, a friend of mine (somehow) told something to me which really humiliated me. He made me feel dumb..that I'm useless and what. And it pissed me..good thing i could control myself. I know it's not his intention to humiliate me but he's really like that.

Sometimes they say things that hurt someone's feelings without being aware of what the other may feel. Being insensitive.

I’m not saying that I’m a perfect person and I’m a good girl who doesn’t do something bad. I know I could be insensitive at times too. Sometimes when I feel suddenly depressed in school I ask my friends If I hurt them or if I said something bad about them they'll just say none. I hope it's true. Or if there's something they hate with my personality. They would sometimes say that I'm too nice to people that there's no reason for them to hate me. But that's too good for a reason. Maybe they are just afraid to tell and hurt me. I don't like that.

I don't like it when myself hates someone who does wrong to me..especially when it's one of my friends. When someone hurts my feelings, I just smile at them and say it's nothing. Even though deep inside I'm hurt and I wanted to scream at them but I can't. Would you call that cowardice?

Maybe i'm afraid of being hated by people. Everyone wants to be loved right? And I want people to be nice to me too. I'm not faking to be a goody goody girl just so people would love me...waaaa!!! im really frustrated! X-(

And when you're too nice to people, some of them would take advantage of it. Use you for their own good. And then you can't refuse because they are your friends, you feel responsible for them or they might hate you if you didn't let them.

Also, if you're someone who is always cheerful and doesn't easily get mad, they would tease you or step down on you and they don't even realize that you also feel pain. They will not take you seriously because they think that you're not taking them seriously too.

I know that what i just said is a little confusing. I just put everything that confuses me now. Most of the things i've been giving thought once in a while..things that im too worried about.

Ugh. I hate it when im too nice. I hate it when i can't fight for myself. I hate it when I can't express myself to them. I hate it when i let them hurt me. I hate it when I hate myself.

Haha. I hate it when i become pessimistic like this. Is this counted as being a pessimist? I dont want to be a pessimist!

-___-

All these things are bottled up inside me...

i think i'm gonna explode! (i think there is a song that has this line)

But even though I hate someone, it doesn't last long. And I keep myself from getting angry at someone because I tend to do things that could hurt others. I don't want hurting people because I know how it feels. Everyone hurts someone and be hurted as well............

(blank)

Araaaaaaa~~~~

Everything is just so confusing!!!!!!!!

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Then the next day I wrote this....

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Reflections

About the thing yesterday, I learned something from it.

You don’t have to please all the people around you! You are you.. it will be nice to be loved for who you are.

Say what you want to say but in a nice way. ( i did this to that person. I told him that he had hurt me with what he had said to me. And now, we’re okay. :) ) Be calm when talking.

Be sensitive with others feelings..but not too much!

And most of all.. Pray and talk to God.

Thanks also to Purpose Driven Life, it helps me find answers to the questions in my head. I'm too grateful to God..seriously. Cause He always gives me answers and solutions to my problems. In PDL, Rick Warren said that we must tell God first our problems, insecurities and frustrations. We can always rely on Him cause He has all the answers and He'll find a way to tell and make you understand the situation. He will never ever disappoint you. He's always there waiting for us to open up to Him. He's my best Brother!

Feeling those insecurities and hatred just makes me miserable. And I'm pouring me anger towards the people around me specifically to my parents (they are nice to me cause even if I'm being sarcastic to them, they don't get mad. Though I'm really a 'tsundere' in our house.hehe..) which is awful.

And it makes me look old faster. XD

I think I don't have to write everything I've learned. It's all in my heart. I've already moved on. Hehe..

..and I guess it's not really in my nature to be like 'that'.

After all, I'm known as a very cheerful girl.

..i remembered someone who told me that my smile makes them cheery and give a happy mood. So that person said I should keep my attitude like that always. C:

My name(real name not himawari!) means 'someone who makes other's happy'. When I first learned what my name means, I thought if I really do make people happy. I hope I'm living up with my name.hehe.. I always want my friends to be happy when I'm with them. (`v`)V

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Mwahahahaha!!! XD

and I also wanted to share this nice article here. 

original source: Why Do Dogs Leave Earth First?

:)

wasting time. tik.tok.tik

ladidadadada~~~


yesterday, our school had a big event and I'm part of the committee who helped in organizing the event (see my previous post for details.haha!) . I, together with some of my friends, were already at school at 6am,because that was the call time..and I was standing, walking, talking(assisting the students and other people with their registration) almost the whole day! gawwwwwwwwwd. it was so tiring!!! When I got to bed last night, I fell asleep immediately.  My body is aching today especially my legs. -___- but well, the hard work paid off. :))) 


it is Monday today and because of the event yesterday, this day became a holiday, and I planned on making my assignments but unfortunately my laziness kicked in. haha! I have lots of work to do (and I haven't prepared my notebooks yet for my subjects! D:) and here I am, surfing the net and just watched "Hyouka"(an on-going anime, which airs every Monday.XD). I wanted to watch the other anime I missed last week, but I don't have the time to do so.


And you know what, last Thursday was our first day of school. Our schedule that day was 7:00 AM to 8:30 PM, with a vacant of 6 hours! The entire vacant period was totally boring. I slept in the library, sound trip, read our school newspaper and thought of how will I survive the whole semester if our schedule is like this! I also felt a bit home sick, because that day felt like a year that I'm away from home. Dang! I might get senile! x_x




I hope that I'll survive this semester, cause it seems that our subjects(major subjects especially) are difficult. I need to concentrate and work hard. (My professor in Software Engineering subject scared us a bit..by telling us about some students who failed and blahblahblah..let's just not talk about it T^T ) Just thinking of myself failing a subject makes me scared. Thinking of all these stuffs stresses me -__-"


Poor me~

My most favorite anime: Card Captor Sakura

yai! yai!yai!yai!yai!yai!yai! yaiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  （〜^∇^)〜


I was able to finish re-watching my favorite anime today, Card Captor Sakura! 

I thought I won't be able to finish it before my summer vacation ends.. I'm so so soooooo happy! ♥


Every year, I always try to watch CCS because I really really really love this anime ever since I was a kid. Don't ask me how many times I've re-watched this series especially the movie 2, because me myself can't count it.

Syaoran's first attempt on telling Sakura his true feelings. ♥

Sakura whenever she sees her crush, Yukito-san!

Every time I watch CCS, I always have the same feelings. Even though I've been watching it for a lot of times, I never get bored or tired. I still fall in love with my favorite characters, Sakura and Syaoran (of course!), every time I see them. I just love their love story so much...and I thank CLAMP for creating this wonderful anime. hihi..


Sakura and Syaoran are just so KAWAII!!! together. agree? haha 

[episode 64] Syaoran was thinking about Sakura, when she popped out from nowhere. XD  Inside, Syaoran was really surprised! haha

I wanted to write more about CCS but I don't have that much time! Tomorrow, school will start again and I haven't prepared my school stuffs! haha XD ~i'll get back to this if I have a free time..I know that I'll be busy this year, especially I'm already in 3rd year college. >< I hope I could still watch some anime during school days...without making my grades low..it'll be bad for me. T^T


..and before I go, let me give you some shots from the last episode.. :DDDD

chotto matte!!! I also love Kero-chan's kansai accent and gluttony with food especially sweets which gives me a bunch of laughter. plus, Suppie's secret, where he becomes totally different from his personality whenever he eats chocolates and candies (getting drunk from sweets). nyahahaha~~

before I forgot, Sakura has an invincible spell, which I hold dear in my heart and gives me strength as well .. "I'll definitely be all right!" . I guess this is where I got my optimism.

ja ne~! ー( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

Summer Ranting

Yo!!!

All I did this summer is to watch animes and read mangas. plus read fanfics. XD

..and I feel like putting something here..

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*this was posted in my tumblr account yesterday and I want to post it here too.hehe ^^*

in case you want to visit my tumbr account ..here!

my tumblr account

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Just watched Bakemonogatari a few days ago..  <3 i never thought that I will love the anime because the first episode didn’t appeal to me. XD
Now, Hitagi-Koyomi is one of my favorite anime loveteams! though their relationship is a bit weird.. i find it unique and cute. X3
~~i wanna share this picture I edited. The lines were taken from episode 12. yeah~ my favorite episode. I never get tired of watching it every night(i put this episode in my phone. he he) and i love the theme song [Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari] ! yai! 
fufufufu…

This is Inori Yuzuriha and Ouma Shu from the anime GUILTY CROWN! 2nd to my favorite anime loveteams. 2nd to my favorite anime. (I have watched it for over 4 times already.haha XD the ending was EPIC and totally dramatic ~i really hoped Inori didn’t have to die. T^T~ 

…

reasons for liking the anime:

~good story plot

*it revolves around an ordinary high school boy turned out to become a hero(rather acquired an ability called “The Power of the Kings” where he could draw out voids from people’s hearts and use it as a weapon. He was convinced to join a resistance group named Undertakers(Funeral Parlor) and help them restore the independence of Japan from the international organization known as GHQ.*

~brilliant animation and the original characters were designed by Redjuice (check out his artworks on fb! super love him.hehe)

~songs composed by Ryo of Supercell! i like Koeda’s voice! (she sang My Dearest - 1st OP song and Kokuhaku -2nd ED song)

yeah.that’s all! I edited this picture which came from the 2nd OP song, “The Everlasting Guilty Crown”. I also used this as my fb cover. ^___^

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Only 4 weeks left before classes start again! T___T a part of me wanted to extend the vacation because there are still a lot of animes I want to watch (currently rewatching my most fav anime, CCS) and continue bumming in our house. And there's also a part of me that wanted to go to school already because I miss my college friends, and I want to graduate already and start working! I want to become independent and get away from my chores in the house. XDD lol. I'm the youngest in the family and my siblings are all working(they are not always in our house and they have the freedom to go anywhere during their rest days!), leaving me here.. treated like a servant. huhuhu T^T being the youngest is pretty hard!

okay! gonna go now, hehe.. will be watching Card Captor Sakura! X3

Broken Key.

Care to read this? XD 




Last week, Friday, was my college friend's debut party and it was an overnight. Though there are only seven of us who came from our block/section, we still had fun and enjoyed the company of each other..and we never slept. We played til morning!


Before going to the place, we decided to meet up at a mall since there's only one of us who knows how to get to the venue. Tell you what, I was late! I shouldn't have been late if it's not because of that stupid padlock of our house!






Let me tell you the story of that stupid padlock...


My parents went to a funeral of some relative and my sister went to her dentist and I was left alone in the house which made me decide to lock the gate(so i can be safe, in case someone tries to get into our house. haha). It was still 1pm and I still have hours to prepare my get-up.lol. Our meet-up is at 4:30pm and I decided to go there an hour before so I could stroll around the mall (cause it's too hot to stay in the house) and to be early (cause im always late whenever we have meet-ups and hang-outs.hehe ).
After arranging all my stuffs and preparing myself, I made sure that everything is okay in our house before I leave(it was my mom's order and she reminded me that a lot of times that I rolled my eyes to her). Lights, doors, unplug the appliances, Shu(our cat) out of the house, etc. When I got to our gate, I picked up my own key and put it on the padlock but it didn't open. I blinked a lot of times. I know I had the right key since I've been using that key for almost a year. I tried again and nothing happened.


I'm already losing my patience and already swearing and cursing inside. The weather also became my enemy. It's so HOT and I'm sweating so much. I wanted to punch the gate but chose not to cause I know that it'll only hurt me. Since my key doesn't work, I searched the house for an extra key but found none. I called my mom, hoping she's not busy at the moment. As soon as she answered, I immediately told her my oh-so-great-situation.
She only said "What did you say?" (in a very calm voice). Hwaaw! I'm so lucky cause I just realized that I was a bit chappy and my mom didn't understand a single of what I said. I repeated, this time I'm already shouting. But still, my mom didn't fully comprehend at all. Darn that signal (that's enemy #3). I got mad at my innocent mom when in fact I should be mad at my enemies. I ended the call and my mom texted me to just text what I want to say. I texted it to her and went back to my mission of unlocking the padlock, the key left there. I inhaled deeply and gathered all my strength..I turned the key full force and you know what happened?


The.only.key.I.have.BROKE.

this is the KEY

Aaaaagghhhh!
Maybe you're wondering how the key broke. I think it was because of the heat. I left the key in the padlock, which is damn hot and the metal key soften. 


My mom texted me that I should just wait for my sister to arrive. What the heck. Is she serious? My sister's going home by night!


I imagined myself banging my head at the gate and wreck all the stuffs in the house.
Of all the days of summer, why did it happen this day? I was getting dramatic that time and I'm losing hope. I wanted to cry but no tears came. I called my friend and told her my situation and I said that I may not be able to come. I know I disappointed her a bit so I said, I'll still find a way and call again.


I went inside my room, where the signal isn't chappy and called my mom. I asked if there's any spare key left in the house and she said to look inside her bag. ( Why didn't she tell me earlier???!!!) I wanted to scold my mom for not telling me earlier but I didn't have the energy to. I rummaged inside her bag...then poof!!! There's a key! A key! A KEY!!! omg. A key! Haha it's a key. 


I ran to the gate and immediately tried the precious key. I swore that if this key won't work I'm going to throw tantrums and disturb the whole neighborhood. Unfortunately, rather fortunately, the key worked. Heh. I glared daggers at the padlock. Fudge, it's soo choosy. It made me suffer and experience hell. I got my bag and outside the house, grudgingly locked the gate (I secretly hoped that when my parents/ sister got home, they will experience the misery I went through) and I lived happily ever after.


-end-

Haha. XD When I arrived at our meeting place and saw them... wowww.. I was smiling too much at them. I super SO missed them!


When we arrived at the venue, I looked at the place in awe. Haha xD though it's a small resort, it's really nice. Seeing the swimming pool made me want to jump in it..i was too excited to swim already. XD


There was only a short program.. just 18 candles and 18 roses. I and my other girl friend was part of the 18 candles. Hehe.. I don't know why but we're both nervous to go in front and give a message to the debutante. Anyway, the 18 candle part was a little serious unlike the 18 roses which was really funny. It wasn't like the usual formal dance, instead each guy will dance with different songs (songs like Teach Me How to Doughie, Run Devil Run, Moves Like Jagger, etc). It was funny cause my guy friends didnt know what song was gonna play in their turn.
After that, we get to eat! We were the last to get some food and while waiting, we played with the balloons tied on the walls. We were like little kids and some of the people were looking at us. The food were awesome! Almost all my favorites were there: seafoods.wahaha Especially the sushi and maki! (Even after the party, I still go back to the sushi/maki area to eat. xD cant count how many I had eaten).


After the party, we went to our room, where we will be staying at. When we got there, we played the most addicting game we love to play in school, MONOPOLY DEAL! woohoo! we all missed playing it. XD (I won in the first game.bwahahaha)


When some of the visitors left, some of us including me went to swim while the others(guys) went to drink alcohol. duhh.. When i got into the pool, it seems as if the lessons I learned from my swimming class were all gone. xD i was so afraid to get drowned.
We just played til morning since all of us can't sleep. At 2am, we decided to play hide and seek. There are a lot of spots where we can hide. Someone climbed the mango tree, in the pool, under the table, under the kitchen sink, among the tall plants. On the last game, we hid in a very obvious spot: we all huddled in one place, where the seeker would immediately see us once she opens her eyes,and the table cloth beneath us. It was so much fun and I missed my childhood days because of it.
After the mess we made after playing hide and seek, we retired in our room while some stayed in the hut and played Monopoly deal. haha XD


I, peroperopii and simpsons (just a codename cause i dont wanna mention their real names. I'm close to these two guys. They are like my big brothers in school and they treat me as their baby sister and had fun teasing me always. They are fun to be with) had a little chat, particularly bout me. They put me in the hot seat, asking me questions bout my lovelife hahaha. I don't know what to say cause seriously I don't think about it much. I'm more concerned with studies and watching anime. XD
They said that I'm still not mature like them and I'm still way too childish. Hey! Just because I don't know much about love I'm already childish! But I guess the way I act and talk is childish. Hehe.. But I'm not immature!..I'm still responsible with my studies and my duties as the daughter of my parents.lol.


Anyway, we had a good talk  and I enjoyed it rather than become annoyed in the end.


They asked me if someone had courted me and what did I do. I had experienced being courted, first was in HS. But I simply rejected the guy..in a funny way.hehe. I didn't take it seriously. haha. The next courting, I tried to be nice cause someone said to me that it's rude not to take them seriously when they are serious. XD - wrong, just asked if someone had already asked me if they can court me not being courted. I realized they are different.


Then peroperopi said to me how am I going to experience being in a relationship or find the one for me if I don't give anyone a chance.  What if in the process of the guy courting, I fell in love.. something like that. I haven't given any answer and just said I don't know.
But when I ponder about it now, my self would always say. I don't need to have a lovelife now cause I want to concentrate with my studies first and... I know that love can wait. True love waits. You never have to hurry about it. It will just come in the right time and God will give it to you. You don't have to search for it. For now, I just enjoy being single and in a relationship with God, that's all that matters to me now. c:


Then they just asked if there's someone that I've been crushing on. I said no but in fact yes. haha In the end, I told them I do and said that I'm in love. I think it's just an attraction and not yet love. Of course they asked who, but nuhh.. that's a secret only I know. And I know that once I told them who, they're gonna start teasing me about it and I hate being teased with your crush. That's embarassing! hahaha


The whole conversation was fun. the above mentions were only a part of it. It's tiring to put it all here.
We just talked and talked until the time was 6am. Most of us were asleep during the trip home. When I reached my house, my eyes were too heavy and my yawning was non-stop. I went to bed and slept for almost 8 hours.. maybe the same thing happened to my friends. 
When I woke up, it was already afternoon and I didn't eat lunch. I ate Mais con Yelo. yum!yum!


Hm. dunno what to say for the closing. I'll just leave it here. ><


Oh,oh,oh. Do you watch the anime this season? Weeee~!!!! For me this is the best anime season so far! Most of the anime have sense in their story and the plots are interesting! XD I like Hyouka, Sankarea and Kimi to Boku. XD 

Hi!

Hi!


errrmm..another new blog..new beginning. haha XD I deleted my other blog accounts (to be exact 2 accounts on blogspot) days ago because of a reason i don't know exactly..


*thoughts*
..maybe the posts you created are too stupid, but I’m not saying all
..but u can easily delete the posts you don't like without needing to delete your whole account
..cause you talked about your past crush there, the one you always see in your school and you're afraid that-
STOP!
*end of thoughts*


O_o






...


let's end that stupid intro. stupid thoughts..Anyways, it's already in the past and i know you don't care about it..even in this new post i'm creating. right? but why are you reading this now? bored? well, I'm BORED too that is why I'm blogging again. I promise that I'll never delete this account..ever! *raising my LEFT hand*


Obviously, this will be my first post here in my not-so first blog account..


What will be the future contents of this blog?


>>just like what most bloggers do, I will post fun, sad , frustrating moments and experiences in my very peachy life. Yeah, peachy! [sounds cute for me, haha XD say it with me! Peachy!]
i do have a lot of fond memories and crazy experiences especially when i was a child(but my sisters have more than i do). I even got to the point where I tried if I have magic powers(effects of watching cartoons/animes). XD but I didn't try jumping from a high place to test if i can fly. One time, I shared 'some' to a friend and laughed out loud. I asked her if she has some experiences like mine but she said she didn't cause she's a good girl when she was a kid. I pity her cause she didn't have an exciting and fun childhood. 


>> Since I'm an anime otaku, I might post about my favorite animes. (If you don't know what otaku means, google it. and if you don't know what anime is, shoo! you don't deserve to live in this planet! even if you do not watch them, you should know about it. ) by the way, if you're also an anime otaku and you have an account in myanimelist.net add me! this is my myanimelist account! :D

That's basically it! (My cat is pestering me now. I know he wants to get my attention and play, but i'm not in the mood to wrestle with him. No matter how many times I push him away, he persistently comes back. It's already irking me and he accomplished his job getting my attention. great. Now, I'm talking about him. He likes to follow me around the house and would sometimes scare me by suddenly hugging my foot, and always run around the house which sometimes causes me to slightly trip, thanks to my cat abilities i learned from the past years, i'm able to prevent them. he he he. I named him “Shu”, after my favorite anime character but my mom said it's ugly(she said i should name him “Budoy”. yuck! seriously! she sucks at naming our cats)..I wanted to change his name since Shu sounds like shoo..a word you say when you want to get rid of something/someone? He's the only cat in our house since the others died, don't ask me why or how..and don't think that we killed them because i love cats. So much for that. Next time I’m going to tell you stories about my other cats, who are now resting in peace. X3




Now let me talk about myself a BIT. haha


As I have mentioned earlier, I'm an anime otaku, interested in jpop music and a cat lover. I have a bit of talent in drawing and I like to draw chibi versions of people, like my friends. I'm fond of cute stuffs..how I wish all the living and non-living things in this world are cute.. I'm proud and very grateful that I'm part of the cute society. >:D


I have a childish personality (btw I'm 17 years old turning 18 soon) and I'm a nice person. promise. I love to smile and I'm a cheerful person. I hate fights but I like arguments. I don't easily get angry but I do easily get annoyed..and my friends like to annoy(mostly tease) me cause they find me entertaining when I'm annoyed. But when I'm in my hyper mood, I become annoying. Speaking of annoying, I hate pessimists cause they are the most annoying people in the world for me. I don't know why most of them love to wallow their selves in self-pity.

I'm not hard to please and I easily laugh, even with silly or corny jokes. Not to mention, I'm a corny person. But.. I also easily get sad or down but I don't like showing it to my friends as I don't want to worry them. I just smile and think of happy thoughts. That is why some people say that I'm a totally carefree person but they are totally wrong and I hate when they say it. I'm just brave enough to face my problems and responsibilities and I always choose to be on the bright side of life.


I always think of things that people shouldn't really think about.. like what do pencils feel if they are sharpened, do blades of electric fans never get tired going round and round, do stuff toys never get sad when they aren't bought..stuffs like that.hehe.. I know that they don't have life and they don't have feelings but what if..never mind. XD


That's all for now. haha xD i think i've blabbed so much already..


and one last thing..


For me, small things matter most.  cause i believe that they are the most important part of anything(success, happiness,etc) even though they aren't always go noticed or appreciated. Without them, we won't get anywhere or anything. We start from small steps to reach big success; we can't complete a puzzle if we are missing a single piece. 


thanks for reading! see you next time. ^_^

my sample drawing. hehehe ^^