hopeless infatuation evolving into pointless jealousy.

And so, I’ve posted one of my many idiotic doings in life. I don’t really know how to deal with it. I’m still immature when it comes to love. I don’t even know if I could call it love.

            I don’t know him much. What I know about him, I only knew through talking to him in chat. What he had told me during our coffee conversation wasn’t too personal. It’s more about his career..especially we’ve only had an hour to spend. He looks like he’s not interested in my life anyways. He’s older than me and maybe he looks at me like a little girl trying to know about the industry he’s in.

            He’s talkative. He likes talking about his experiences. He can keep the conversation going. He’s a nice person. He has a cute smile. He’s intelligent. He’s funny. He has a good sense of humour. He has a good voice. He has many friends.

            Does it look like I’m a creepy and obsessed fangirl? Hahaha. Based on what I know about being an “obsessed person” with the people they like, I’m not yet there. And I hope I wouldn’t. I don’t start conversations with him anymore. Only in twitter, I kinda reply to his tweets if I can relate. Sometimes, I get to visit his profile if I don’t see latest posts from him and I get this feeling of jealousy towards his friends (especially girls!). Oh, how I wish we’re close friends too so we could hang out together as well. I can see that there are so many girls out there who likes him as much as I like him, or maybe even more. His friends say he’s a hot guy.

            Dear me, your hopeless infatuation is evolving into pointless jealousy.

            Who are you to him anyways? You’re not close friends, you’re not in his circle of friends. You’re from two far places, you’re in two different worlds (lol.).

            You’re just a student who became attracted to a talented-and-kinda-famous-geek in the IT industry.

            Why are you hoping that there’s something that could happen if you push yourself and try to get his attention to know you. Pathetic you.

            Why do I always get a liking on someone who’s really out of reach? Why always older than you? hahaha I don’t even know. There are guys out there who like you but you always reject them and don’t even give them a chance. Stupid me.

            Oh please! Could God please remove my feelings of love?